Hello beautiful mommy!
Today we’re going to talk about what’s wrong with people who live by parenting advice that you think is completely insane.”
Whenever you read a parenting book and think “WHOA, that’s nuts. I would NEVER do that.” If you’re totally honest with yourself, you’re probably also thinking something along the lines of:
What is wrong with the people who wrote this book?
And what is wrong with the parents who read this book and live by its advice? They must be completely crazy.
They must hate their children or hate themselves.
Or maybe they’re just not very smart.
Well today I’m going to tell you what is wrong with these people that live by advice that you think is completely insane.
Here it is.
They have totally different kids.
If you read something and you think, “This is terrible, I could never do that. I do want to do that.” Then it’s probably wrong for your baby, for your family, for your household or for your sanity. You know your baby and you will make the right decision when you listen to yourself. Listen to your heart, listen to your gut. Just listen for what sounds right to you and that is your truth.
So whether we’re talking about sleep training, breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, pumping, going back to work, being a stay-at-home parent. You don’t have to do any of it, but it could be the perfect decision for someone else. They have their own gut, they have their own heart, and they have their own journey.
Why am I telling you this?
Because it’s so important to have a relationship with other parents, with babies the same age as yours. They understand what you’re going through and are living it in real-time. Even moms of slightly older kids forget what it’s like – what it felt like at the time and what their kids did and what they were worried about or how long a stage lasted.
But we’re all making a staggering number of decisions per day. And it feels like the stakes are high for all of them. Hearing the hint of judgement from another mom, especially one who you think is A Great Mom, can be devastating.
Reading or hearing about someone else’s dramatically different experience or decision is not an indictment of your decision.
Sometimes you feel like you do want to say something, though.
Maybe they’re being hard on themselves and as their friend you wish they would be kinder to themselves. Maybe you tried the same thing and regret it now.
Did they ask for your opinion? Maybe they just want to vent.
Even if you’re 100% right and they’re 100% wrong, if they don’t do it their way and find out that they’re wrong, they’re never going to really trust your way of doing it until they do it their own way and find out that’s not a good idea.
If you absolutely must say something, try to frame it within what worked for you, like “I tried that too. It was really hard. I was really happy when I tried this next.” That way, you’re only talking about you.
Parenting is such a rapid-fire decision-making exercise. We make conscious, mindful decisions and we hope for the best. We hope we do the right thing and we hope when we don’t do the right thing, since inevitably we won’t get it right every single time since we make tons and tons of decisions for this little human every single day, we hope that our good intentions and the rest of the better decisions we made are just good enough.
Today I want to ask you…are there any things you’ve pre-decided that you will do or not do? Or are you just planning on following your gut when the time comes? Or are there some things you’re sure about and some things you’re not sure about? Tell us in the comments below.
Thanks for reading! I’m Kathy from Hello Beautiful Mommy, reminding you that you are beautiful because you are you. You just happen to also be mommy.